The Female Factor — What is it?

I recently got back from a comic book convention in Chicago. I’m not really into comic books, but since the company was paying, I figured I really couldn’t go wrong. I’d get a free trip to Chicago, free food and get to check out some of the cool stuff that all the big companies like to unveil at these things. When I got my first break, I took a tour of the convention center and got my first look at what everyone seems to go to these conventions for. You might think it’s the comic books or the toys or to meet the company people — and if you’re talking about workaholics or total company people, then you’d be right. But I discovered, for most of these people, comics and the other paraphernalia are just a side thing. They really come to see the women.

Now I’m not talking normal women. The women that they ship out to the cons are unbelievable. They’re beyond any mortal man’s means of achieving. These are the kinds of women that even God is amazed He created. In a word, these women are stunning. They stand around whatever booth they happen to be at and allow fanboys to talk to them, take pictures with them, hit on them and even drool on them. If you’ve never been to a convention, I have to say that the lines to get pictures with these women are incredible. People will stand there for hours to get a picture taken with the Lara Croft model of Tomb Raider fame or Rogue of the X-Men .

After seeing the huge reaction the women got, I came up with a plan. (Seems I’m always coming up with plans, doesn’t it?) I found a way to make interest in the Dreamcast quadruple within a few months. Here’s what has to be done. First, find a group of women that can make men drool. Second, dress them up in some tight or skimpy outfits. Third, bring them to any store that sells the Dreamcast. Fourth, every time someone buys a Dreamcast, one of these girls goes home with them and plays a few games. Do you know what kind of sales the Dreamcast would see if this were the case? Dreamcast would outsell Ford, and Microsoft combined! (It’s a little known secret, but Bill Gates used this method at first to sell Microsoft.)

How would this increase sales? Simple. Nine out of every 10 kids who buy a Dreamcast is a geek. Don’t get me wrong. I am among the geeks too. Geeks have a hard time getting chicks. Hell, they have a hard time talking to chicks… or at least having chicks talk to them. If the chicks came free with each purchase, it would be great. I’ll tell you this — if I knew some super hot, skimpily dressed goddess of a woman was gonna come over to my house to play a few games with me when I bought one, I’d have an entire room filled with Dreamcasts at this point. Just think of the possibilities. Some kid buys a Dreamcast and has the chick come over to his house. He calls all his friends, and they come over to see her, fall head over heels for her and run out to buy themselves a Dreamcast to get a hot chick of their own. Then it won’t just be limited to geeks who buy the system. Every guy will want one. It’s genius. Pure genius.

I’m sure someone will find some problem with this, but I know it’s a perfect angle. Dreamcasts sell. Guys get a few hours with a hot chick and, hopefully, I get some kind of kickback for coming up with the idea. So, sit down at your computers and start writing some letters to those Sega people. Tell them about my idea and how you’d like to see it become a reality. With enough fan mail, they’ll have to make it work. In the end, they’ll win, you’ll win and I’ll win. We’ll all win! Now isn’t that the way life should be?

Mike Fasolo has been picketing outside of stores to get his idea instituted. But since he doesn’t have a hot chick to parade around he has to dress up himself. Mike doesn’t make a very good hot chick.